The sun is pouring through the window in that perfect, golden kind of way. I’ve just come back from travelling , and the cats and rabbits (4 cats 🐈 2 rabbits 🐇 ) are out playing, and for once, everything feels…still. Safe. I’m on my second cup of tea of the day, and a quiet mind – a big deep breath in, and a relaxing one out.

The warmth of the sun streaming through my window brings me back to my recent adventure in Khao Lak, where I sat on an empty beach, the soft crashing of waves intertwined with distant bird song. In that quiet moment, the world felt vast and calm – a rare stillness, only to be joyfully disrupted by me jumping into the sea, embracing such freedom, whilst taking so much salt water to the face.

It’s strange, isn’t it? Feeling calm and not having your brain immediately try to tear it apart. Normally I brace for impact – like I’m waiting for the mood to shift, or for my thoughts to pull me under again. But today, I’m just … letting the stillness be what it is. No fight. No fear. Just now.

Sometimes, living with BPD means feeling like you have to earn – like calm moments are fragile, temporary, or even suspicious. But today, I’m letting go of that doubt. I’m reminding myself that its okay to simply be – to rest in the quiet, and to believe that feeling okay isn’t a prize, but a right.

For now, I’ll stick to my tea, few salty surprises, and savouring the small.

I’m a big kid at heart